Stars
by FawkesLastSong
Summary: Dean's on the hood of the Impala stargazing when Cas shows up. Bit of conflict, bit of fluff, mostly just my random ramblings.


The night air was cold against Dean's skin and he shivered despite his collar turned up against the slight wind. They'd just finished a vamp hunt in California, and Sam was actually visiting some friend from college. Dean left at the first opportunity. "Too much nerd in one room" he'd waved as an excuse as he ducked out. No doubt Sam thought he was at some bar picking up chicks. Which at any other time would sound great. They'd hardly had a day to themselves the past month. Yet somehow he'd skipped the bar and ended up here. Some abandoned field in the middle of northern California of all places, drinking his second (mostly) cold beer.

There was only a faint streetlight behind him and the light of the half moon, giving him the best view of the stars he'd had in months. Dean had always loved looking at the stars. It helped clear his mind.

The hood of the Impala creaked below him as he leaned back and took another swig. He hated to admit, even to himself, how alone it made him feel. Surrounded by nothing and the stars. It was him versus the world. Sam was there of course, and Dean knew he wasn't technically alone, but it sure as hell seemed that way most of the time.

"You're not alone" said a low voice to his right.

Dean nearly fell off the car, scrambling for the gun at his side before he saw the tan trench coat.

"Dammit Cas!" He exclaimed, trying to will his heart rate back to something semi-normal, "you can't keep doing that. It's going to be the death of me." He raised the bottle back to his mouth, shooting a glance at him, though avoiding eye contact. They hadn't seen him in almost a month. "Why the hell are you here anyway? Tired of playing with the big league and decided to come hang out with us peasants?" Not quite hiding the bite in his words.

Dean saw his stare and could feel it. It was slightly unnerving.

"Is that really how you see it?" Dean looked back to the open field before him.

"Well every angel I've ever met has mocked our insignificant life on at least one occasion. Yourself included. Why would you waste your time when there's not something for you here?"

"That's what you think." It wasn't a question, and Dean could hear the hurt under the gruff voice. Dean regretted harshness of what he'd just said, but stared back at the starry sky.

He glanced back and saw only empty space. Great. Now he'd pissed off the only company he had. And in under a minute. That had to be some sort of record. He sighed, anger rising up. He looked around for something to hit, and ended up hitting the Impala's hood with the palm of his hand (he wasn't about to actually hurt his baby). He downed the last of the bottle and chucked it at a nearby rock. It exploded into a hundred glittering pieces. He threw his first bottle too and felt a sharp pain on his cheek. His hand came away with traces of blood but he ignored it.

He lay down on the cold hood and squeezed his eyes shut against it all. Lucifer, the demons, the Alphas, Sam, and the friggin angel who only gave Dean the time of day when he had something to gain.

His eyes snapped open and Castiel was back, pacing in front of him, anger radiating off him in a slightly electric way. Dean stared for a minute as Castiel paced back and forth and braced himself for Castiel to explode on him, chew him out, deny this truth. His "I fell for you" excuse was getting weak. It's not that Dean didn't recognize the significance of Castiel's fall. But with the number of times he'd used it as an excuse in the past, and the fact that his fall ended up working in Castiel's favor, Dean wasn't in the mood to take that as a valid argument. Cas was back in Heaven now. Hardly came to earth, and before that he'd been revoltingly regretful about the situation, as proven by his sudden drinking habits. And when he got his angel mojo back, his ego and dick personality came back too.

Castiel stopped and Dean braced himself for his anger, counterargument ready in his mind. But as Cas turned the anger had faded, throwing Dean off.

Castiel hesitated, and slowly walked back toward the car, standing awkwardly next to the front bumper.

"Dean." He paused. "I don't know what to do." He said flatly. Dean raised an eyebrow. The instant change in demeanor was throwing Dean off. "Do you ever think about the fact that unless I'm killed, I will go on living forever?" This statement took Dean slightly by surprise.

"Well I hadn't given it much thought, but yeah I suppose so."

Castiel looked at him sadly. He sighed, making him look more venerable than Dean had ever seen him. "Well I have. And…" he looked away, as though already regretting his next words. "Someday I may have to go on without you."

Dean blinked, caught off guard and not sure what to say. Castiel slid himself back on the hood of the car at the far edge, leaving a gaping hole between them.

"I've begun to care about you too much. However illogical and impractical that is." Dean decided to ignore that last bit, because he could see why Castiel of all people would think that. There was a pause.

"And you don't want to get even more attached." Dean said, heart rate speeding up in anticipation. Castiel bowed his head as confirmation. Dean's mind was racing but he mentally squared himself. In the dark of this night with a slight buzz from the beers he'd smashed just a minute earlier. "But did you ever think that _I'm_ too attached? And I only have my puny human lifespan. If I even live that long, which, let's be honest, isn't likely. The number of people who are important in my life I could count on one hand. And I can't stand it when you're MIA ten times as often as you're with me." Castiel's eyes met Dean's. Dean looked back ahead. "I need you Cas." He added quietly, voice breaking. Dean had realized this a while ago but never planned on admitting it to anyone.

"I need you too Dean. I never thought a human could do that to me"

Dean felt Castiel shift beside him, and glanced over to see that Cas had extended his hand and reached toward him, resting at the midpoint of the Impala's hood.

Dean let out a quiet laugh. "What are we, five?" He took his hand and scooted closer. "Come here."

Cas moved to the center of the car eagerly and they sat side by side in silence, shoulders touching, hands entwined.

Dean let out a sigh, stomach still in knots. He should feel awkward or uncomfortable about this, but somehow it was okay. Even with the awkward hand-holding.

Castiel spoke up, "One thing I love about earth is looking at the heavens and trying to see it from your point of view." Dean looked over and realized he could see the stars reflected in Cas' eyes. Well this was just too damn romantic. But Dean couldn't bring himself to look away. Cas met his gaze.

"Though I've never actually asked a human. How _do_ you see it?"

Dean realized in any other situation he would have given some quip and moved on, but tonight something stirred him to answer it seriously.

"Makes me think of the years on the road. Starting with me and Sammy as kids, then with dad, then the two of us. Given that, sometimes the stars just make me feel angry, though sometimes it's just perfect and calm." Dean rolled his eyes to himself, "I don't know what I'm saying. Just that I've always found the stars intriguing. Captivating somehow."

Cas nodded. "You know that every star has a name" He said matter-of-factly.

"What, so the 'He can name every star in the sky' thing is actually true? And it applies to angels too?"

"Well I don't know every one, but all the ones we can see right now." Dean noted the hint of something deeper.

Cas detached his fingers from Dean's, and his heart jumped, hoping he hadn't said something wrong. But Cas started pointing at different points in the sky, saying their names. Dean couldn't see which stars he was specifically pointing at, but he let him name them all anyway. Slowly Dean noticed some familiar names. "Anna… Uriel… Balthazar… Raphael… Zachariah…"

"The stars are named after angels?"

"More or less…. Most stars are connected to angels. There's a star for every angel that ever was, and ever will be, it's where the angels get their power. Bigger star, more power."

Dean, smirking, couldn't resist; "and how big is your mojo?"

Castiel (miraculously) understood that Dean was making a joke, and gave a smile, though whether he understood it or not, Dean couldn't tell.

Dean felt Cas shift beside him, and felt the brush of the tan trench coat against his cheek as Castiel pointed to a star just to the left.

"The one just over there." It took them a minute conversing before Dean was sure he knew which one Cas was pointing at, but he was pretty sure he got it. Dean tried to memorize where it was in the sky, but he wasn't sure how likely it was he'd find it again. Cas would probably have to point it out again. But then Cas lowered his arm against the windshield of the car over Dean's head and Dean's mind left the star. He shifted so they could both sit more comfortably, Dean basically snuggled up against him.

Odd.

He could probably count on one hand the number of times that's happened with anyone, but somehow it felt alright. Better than alright. What was happening? His masculinity was flying out the window and he didn't care. But it was Cas. Cas had always been an exception, whether he'd realized it or not.

It was almost hard to believe how quickly the fallen angel had taken over a place in his heart. His heart that had, until very recently, been reserved for family and Bobby.

Castiel said something quietly that Dean couldn't quite understand.

"What?"

"I've never done this with a human before," Cas said quietly. Dean wasn't sure what aspect of "this" he was talking about, because frankly there were quite a few options to that category. Many of which applied to Dean as well.

Dean stayed quiet, letting him elaborate if he wanted, and also not sure how to reply to that.

"Only the angels know my star," Dean could feel Cas' blue eyes staring intently at him, "and now you."

Something burned in the pit of Dean's stomach that he couldn't quite identify. Some sort of uncomfortable mix similar to pride and guilt and awkward, and Dean really didn't know what to do with it. He lay there for another minute, all his senses focused to Cas. His arm underneath him (did angels have to worry about blood circulation? Cause if so, he was sure he was cutting Cas' off.)

This should be weird. Dean tried to blame it on the alcohol, but knew that the two beers today would have had very little impact on him. He was rarely entirely sober anymore.

He sighed and allowed himself to close his eyes and relax for a bit.

"Dean..." Cas started. Dean could hear the hesitation and the "we need to talk about this" tone. He'd spent enough time with his sappy brother to recognize that particular tone anywhere.

"Shut up Cas. Just don't. Not right now."

"I don't want..." He paused. Dean's heart rate jumped again and he could practically hear Cas thinking.

Just then the silence was broken by the sharp trill of Dean's phone. He let it go for a second then sat up and pulled it out.

"It's Sam" he said, voice fighting normalicy, he looked at Castiel as he answered.

"Yeah"

"Alright I got some info. Hope you're not too hammered to drive to Portland tonight" came Sam's voice.

"Nah I'm good," Dean replied, rubbing his eyes. He felt something brush his cheek, like a caress, but when he turned around the angel was gone.

"Okay so get this," and Sam was off. Dean listened to the details Sam had found without actually hearing anything.

Dean sighed and got into the Impala, mind still focused on the past half hour.

He then realized Sam had stopped talking. And was waiting for a reply.

"Sorry, what?"

"Dude. Are you sure you're alright?"

"I said I'm fine. Where are you?"

Sam told him, and he started the engine, once again headed toward the latest monster.


End file.
